take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
