he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
