Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
