So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
