the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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