yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
