Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
