so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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