if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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