My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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