I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
