i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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