Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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