Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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