im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
