we're blogging at a bar
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
