i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
