fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
