I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
