I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
