yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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