Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
