U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
