I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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