totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
