BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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