we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
