I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
