dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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