big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
