so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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