so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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