I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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