Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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