chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
