Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
