People in love make me want to vomit
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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