yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
its not stalking. its research.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
