Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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