I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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