If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
