I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize