mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
