Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
