I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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