He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
