i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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