I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
