I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
