So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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