Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize