He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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