I can feel you judging me through the phone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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