It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Say something about gay babies.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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