should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
