Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
