So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize