My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
