If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
