well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
