My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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