I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
